is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
