Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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