I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
