Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
