i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Im part way to drunk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize