i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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