I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Drunk is not a location!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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