New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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