you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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