Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize