Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
