ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
