Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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