Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
