He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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