I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
