I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize