I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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