just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize