Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
