Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
