how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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