You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
