This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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