Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
