FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
