We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
