I think I won the penis lottery.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
