You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
