Jerry, you need to find god
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Boobs speak an international language.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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