btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
