Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
