so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
