But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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