I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
