You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I supernannyed him into submission
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
