I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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