Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
