I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
