it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
