We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My bed smells like the plague
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
