PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
