How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
