either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you win again, gameday.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
