Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I love you.
Bad choice
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
