Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
