Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
