OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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