Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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