why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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