I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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