do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
