Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
