Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
