R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
