Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
