Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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