Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
