I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
