i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
