come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize