I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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