smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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