if i died would you start the facebook group?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
