i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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