I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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