Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
