so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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