when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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