wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
