And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize